‘You’re on your own. You are not enough. You look different. You will never forget the mistakes you made. They were right about you. You’ve missed your chance. You’re life will never be significant. He is better than you.’
Over and over again, these phrases played (and play) in my mind. They are the tracks on my least favourite record and yet they are the tracks I play the most; an album of self-loathing written to keep me depressed.
I am not the best at small talk. I find myself in the middle of those frivolous little exchanges that we have stood around at parties or when we accidentally make eye contact with a stranger in the queue for the (self service – avoiding small talk) check outs. On the bad days, you know the ones when my eyelids are being held open by caffeine and my mind feels a little like the remnants of a ‘Will It Blend?’ youtube video, I find myself wondering what would happen if I said something a little more real or important or deep in those moments. Where would the small talk end up if I refused to keep it small? Continue reading “Jesus accepts you just the way you are but, honestly, I don’t.”