The tears will come. Let them come. You will be sat by the river you’ve sat by a thousand times before, but on that one day, the light will catch a ripple and you’ll remember when they were last there with you and wish they were one last time. The tears will come. Let them come. You will sit with your friends and eat and laugh, and they’ll leave after midnight and you’ll close the door, and feel unknown and invisible. The secret pain you carry, that you’re afraid of them knowing, will force it’s way out to gasp for … Continue reading The tears will come. Let them come.

A #thread about the end of a #decade. A ramble at times but hey ho. As we draw the 2010s to a close it is natural to reflect on what has gone before and try to sift through the memories, both good and bad, to form some lesson to take into the next decade. What a ten years it had been. I started this decade with almost every area of my life barely holding together whilst delivering what I believed was an Oscar worthy performance of ‘successful man in his late twenties’ for all to see. I had found that … Continue reading A thread for the end of a decade.

‪Thinking of #clergy, #pastors and #ministers today who often struggle in silence with their poor #mentalhealth. It is not weak to talk, get therapy and take meds. All 3 have changed my life. DM to talk. Tag your pastor/leader. Call them. #WorldMentalHealthDay2019 #mentalhealthday‬ I’m an ex-pastor. It was the hardest job I’ve ever done. It made me very ill. I lost all perspective on most things. I sometimes think that pastors are the least mentally healthy people I know. The emotional and relational capital they spend on others far outweighs what comes back. Add a mental illness like I had … Continue reading Pastors. If you need help, please get it. #MentalHealthAwarenessDay

These were my resolutions in January this year. I think I’m actually pursuing most of them. This is a first for me. How are you doing with yours? —————– I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions. I did join a gym in January once but it didn’t work out well (oh dear – an accidental pun). I’ve had these phrases or some nebulous form of them in my head since December 31st. These are what I’m telling myself as I start 2019. —————- You get to decide what parts of 2018, 2017, 2011, 2003, 1998, etc. that you’re going … Continue reading Resolutions for 2019 Revisited

A few months ago, half-tongue-in-cheek, I wrote the outline of a book inspired by Marie Kondo’s tidying up system. How can we recognise what is cluttering up our faith i.e. what are the practices and beliefs we are carrying around that are either not giving us life, or if we are honest we don’t really believe at all. I wrote a very rough draft of a first chapter and have sat on it for a few months (with two or three friends who have helped me think through the language and style). I however, have not found the energy or … Continue reading Heavy Soul: How to declutter your faith.